Fifteen years ago I gave birth to a little girl.  It was the start of an exciting new chapter in my life.  This picture is from our first Mother’s Day together when she was 11 months old.

Today is going to be a wonderful celebration! 

After years of going through infertility treatments I didn’t know if I’d have a child then it happened . . . by the glorious hand of God I became pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby girl.  There was a complication during delivery and I ended up having an emergency c-section.  As you can imagine when I finally was able to hold my daughter it was the most AMAZING feeling.  I had waited so long for that day.  Due to my condition at that time, the doctor said to me ‘it’s a miracle you became pregnant’.  Every child is a blessing and a miracle, my pregnancy and daughter is a constant reminder.  I am so grateful!

Tears are streaming down my face as I write today. Geez now I’m going to have to put my make up on all over again. LOL!  All those moments over the last 15 years are so precious.  Here's a few pictures that stirred up memories of baking Christmas cookies together, trips to the park and fun mornings just playing together.

My Pastor last weekend talked about how with our children as they get older instead of them having their ‘firsts’ it starts to become their ‘lasts’.   That is where I am at today.  Now everything we experience together I see it as our ‘last’ time.  I only get a few more years with her before she is an adult and on her own to live the life God has planned for her.  I’m so darn selfish, it hurts bad sometimes, I want time to slow down, I want those ‘firsts’ back.   It’s bittersweet.

Dictionary describes the word bittersweet as both pleasant and painful.  Yup that’s about the best way I can describe today.  Happy she is growing, hurting that my time of raising a little girl is almost over. I am so very thankful to have a front row seat and watch how God continues to move through her life.   Thank you Jesus!

So today I blow up balloons, put on my party hat and shout it out loud… Happy birthday Gracie!

Love always,

Mom

Here's the Poem I keep taped inside my kitchen cabinet to remind me to do more hugging and less tugging…

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d finger paint more and point the finger less

I’d do less correcting and more connecting

I’d take my eyes off the watch and watch with my eyes

I would care to know less and know to care more

I’d take more hikes and fly more kites

I’d stop playing serious and seriously play

I’d run through more fields and gaze at more stars

I’d do more hugging and less tugging

I’d would be firm less often and affirm much more

I’d build self-esteem first and the house later

I’d teach less about the love of power and more about the power of love

Today I read a great blog post called Sitting in the Dirt.   Suddenly a flood of emotions came over me.

 As I remember back to my childhood this picture came to mind.  My dad gave all my friends a motorcycle ride around the block on my 9^th birthday.  I had a great dad!  Yes, that’s my cool dad, me in the middle and my best friend Laura.  I was wearing my favorite Rocky T-Shirt and my dad was sporting a perm back then, can you guess the year?

My dad passed on from a sudden heart attack at the age of 64, two weeks before Paul and I were to be married in 2004.  To say I was shocked is an understatement.  I just spoke to him on the telephone 10 minutes before his death.  It was the first time I lost someone so close to me.  It completely changed the course of my life. 

I’ll never forget when the funeral director asked me what I remember most about my father.  Still dazed from what was happening, I said "it was that my dad was always there for me." 

My dad worked nights as a truck driver and would come home right around the time I was getting ready to leave for school.  He’d sleep during the day and then wake up right before dinner time.   He didn’t complain about his work, he was patient, kind, funny and had a love for motorcycles and stereo equipment.  He would take me on motorcycle rides and let me go with him to a few of his poker runs.  Sometimes, he'd ask me to sit in the family room to listen to an adventure scene of a movie so I could hear his awesome audio system.  Then of course there was the coffee, he always had to have his coffee.  In my early thirties I'd have many opportunities to sit, talk and enjoy a cup of coffee with him.  I cherish those memories. Oh those were good times!

I am so grateful God put this man in my life.  I’ve learned much from the time spent with him, especially the importance of being there for family and friends.  What will your children, spouse, family, friends or co-workers say about you one day? 

Each day is a gift, REJOICE!

I decided I’m not waiting until Father’s Day to honor my dad.  

I miss you dad, thinking of you and celebrating your life today.

I Love You,

jill

Motherhood

No one can prepare you for how it will change your life. 

It’s been the biggest blessing, challenging and most rewarding!

The past 7 days have been a whirlwind.  By the way, I didn’t forget about part two of my testimony 'breaking free'.  If you missed part one, click here and then I’ll share part two in a few days.

It’s been an emotional week.  I had the pleasure of watching my daughter perform in her first high school musical.  There were four shows last week.  You could see the cast and crews’ hard work paid off.  They put in A LOT of hours practicing and performing the musical Sound of Music.  Each performance was OUTSTANDING!

Here’s a picture of our mother/daughter moment after her last performance.  God is working mightily in her life and she’s following her dream; a dream that He planted in her before she was even born.  

I’ve been thinking how much fun this past week has been and also quietly laughing at all the ‘motherly’ advice I received from others over the past 15 years like, “oh when she turns 2 watch out, you know they call it the terrible twos’.  Or how about hearing “the teenage years are the hardest”.

I’m here to testify that motherhood doesn’t have to be the way some people say it is.  I found the two year age was not terrible and I’ve loved every stage of watching my daughter grow.  Sure I wasn’t too happy when she was three or four (can’t remember the exact age but it wasn’t two!)  and she went around the house with a black permanent marker and wrote an ‘x’ on every one of our coffee tables and chairs. 

Hmmmm… how did she get her hands on that marker? 

At the time I’m sure I wasn’t too happy about it but I learned to be more aware of what’s within her arms’ reach.  Lesson learned! 

To this day when I’m dusting the family room I’ll see that “X” mark from her younger years.  Now I can laugh about it and the memories warm my heart.  And yes I still have the same coffee tables from over 10 years ago.  Hey there’s nothing wrong with them and they have my child’s  ‘x’ marks the spot! LOL!

Yes, we’ve had our arguments too but you know what?  Every time we disagree I’m getting better at pausing and deciding, is this worth the battle?  The teenage years have taught me to start giving my child space…space to make her own decisions.  I’ve also learned that I still need to be involved as much as possible and make the soul food (nourishment for her spirit) easily accessible.

I’m thrilled to be a part of a church that offers weekly outreach to our community’s youth, serving projects, bible teaching, camps, conferences and opportunities to be surrounded by other Christians.  Yesterday we celebrated the (almost) end of the school year with a banquet…fellowship, food, fun videos, recognition and dancing. It was a blast!  I put together a small photo album from last night on Facebook.  If we're not friends, friend me up!  Jill's facebook page.

I don’t know, all I know for sure is when your child becomes a teenager it’s more important than ever to stay in the loop. 

Do you know who is speaking into your child’s life? 

I’ve become a prayer warrior.  When I have the urge to preach instead I’m learning to pray. Pray, pray, pray and trust, trust, trust!  No one wants to be told what to do, especially a teenager.

A dear friend sent me a cute email this week.  It said that A.S.A.P. stands for ‘Always say a prayer’.  I LOVE it!

 Today I’ve been dwelling on this verse in the Bible:

“Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.  See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:14-15

I’ll pray for you, will you pray for me?

My prayer for you today is that your home life is peaceful, your key relationships flourish and that your children are being raised up to know the truth, follow their dreams and prosper according to God’s plan for their life!

I love you,

jill

My Testimony: Breaking Free Part I

I’m not sure where you are today.

Are you hurting? Alone, lost, sad, disappointed, confused or overwhelmed?

I’ll never forget this specific night.  It was about 11 years ago, a beautiful summer night and I was surrounded by tons of people yet I had never felt so alone.   Later that evening as I sat outside by myself I started to cry.  Then it became one of those uncontrollable cries, I couldn’t stop crying.  Why did I have this huge sense of loneliness when I was surrounded by friends and family?  These are people I know, like and trust.

I looked up in the sky and just sobbed.   It was the longest night of my life. 

The next day, I woke up and went about my day pretending everything was fine.

Years later, I met a very special person.  That person invited me to his church.  I was very nervous going with him since I’d been away from the church for many years.  I thought I made way too many mistakes and church was a place for all the good people and not a place for a person like me (divorced woman).

I sheepishly accepted the invitation to church and slowly something started happening…

My eyes and ears opened up to a whole new world, I couldn’t wait to hear the messages each week.  I was thirsty for more!

Below is a short video clip that was presented at our powerful Easter service yesterday.

Take 3 minutes to watch this now, …part II coming soon!

You can learn more about Gracenomics and the study of second chances by clicking here.

Then watch the series titled 'Epic Fail'. 

Remember any time spent with God is never time wasted.

Stay healthy, stay well in mind, body and spirit!

I love you,

jill

Amazing! 

That’s it.  Isn’t life amazing? 

Here's my 10 Top Ten List of amazing events this past week…

1. Four weeks ago I was sitting by my husband’s side in the intensive care unit not knowing what the next hour would bring.  He was in critical condition.  Today he is at work and continues to do well on the road to recovery.  Praise God!

2. Do you know how easy it is for a cell phone to fall out of your coat pocket?  Especially when you forget to zipper the pocket!!!  Yup I learned that lesson this week.  After returning from a nice leisurely walk with my husband and our dogs, I realized I couldn’t find my cell phone.  Drats!  Had to go back and walk through the course my husband and I just walked praying to God to help me locate my cell phone.  Could not find it.    Then my wonderful hubby used mylookout.com and he found my phone two blocks away on the neighbor’s lawn.  I have an amazing husband!!!!

3.  I was SHOCKED this week when I was led to a video about Natalie's story ,and the fastest growing crime, human trafficking. What?  This is crazy how can this be happening?  Then I hear on the radio there will be a local event to discuss this information and it’s being held at my Church called 'seeing the unseen'.  Amazing! 

4. I’m amazed that there are families with more than 6 children. How do they do it?  I struggle as a mom with one teenager at home.  Charlotte Siems wrote a beautiful article about her family of 12.  Amazing!

5. Amazed how quickly children change in one year.  It was 1 year ago my daughter and I spent her entire spring break on a mother/daughter trip in California.  What an amazing time!  This year’s spring break consists of this: 

      Daughter: "Hi mom… bye mom, off to play practice!" 

      Mom: sigh…my baby is growing up.  sniff, sniff,

6.  Amazed that my hubby and I will be grandparents this May.  Oh how excited we are for our oldest daughter and her husband!  Can’t wait to meet the newest member of our family!

7.  Amazed that I found out yesterday our new neighbor is a friend from high school.  How cool is that!

8. Amazed that I thought I’d have to buy the movie ‘Hungry for Change’ then realized you can watch it for FREE until March 31^st.  Amazing (and great 90 movie about healthy eating)!!!

9. Simply amazed that I have so many wonderful friends like  YOU!   You are a gift.

10. Amazed that I can’t get this song by Lincoln Brewster out of my head.  I heard it yesterday and I’ve been singing the “You are amazing” non-stop.  It is amazing that music helps me remember what’s most important in life.   I love God so much.

You are amazing

More than amazing

Forever our God

You're more than enough

Thanks for stopping by today, I get to clean house and prepare for hosting Easter dinner next weekend.  It’s an exciting time of year!!!  

What amazes you?  Feel free to leave a comment here or on my facebook wall. 

With love,

jill

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."    Ecclesiastes 3:1

No holding back. 

That’s what I said earlier this month when I decided to open my heart to you.  Today, I'm going to get brutally honest.

First, my hubby is home and back to work.  He continues to improve and is on the road to recovery. Praise God! No definite answers as to why he developed the blood clots.  Thank you again for your prayers, notes and well wishes.  Words just can’t describe how grateful we are for you.

When my husband was in the hospital this month I put on a few pounds and that’s most likely due to my indulging in pies and cookies from the hospital cafeteria (they have GREAT food!).  Of course at first I’d bring the pie back to the room for my husband knowing he really doesn’t have a sweet tooth… I do.  So when he said he didn’t want those two cookies I of course gobbled them down. 

Then I couldn't wait to attend my women’s small group last week.  We celebrated our time together these past two months studying the Book of James with a brunch.  You can see the beautiful table they set up and we each brought a dish to share.  Let me tell you, these girls know what to share! We had all sorts of goodies.  I tried a little bit of everything and went back for seconds!

Next, my wonderful mother stops by to visit last week and brings me our family a bag of jelly beans.  Not just any bag of jelly beans they were the starburst jelly beans!!!  Oh they are so good!  I put them in the candy dish by our front door for everyone to enjoy.

I walked past the candy dish the first day.  The second day, I started…I had a couple, then a few more and then….well let’s just say the next thing you know THEY’RE GONE.

I ate them. I ate all the jelly beans.  Bad mommy.

When my teenager came home that evening, I was standing in the kitchen when I heard her yell by the front door, “where’s the jelly beans?”

Oh no….my heart sank….I felt ashamed. 

I replied with sadness in my heart, “I ate them.”

She says, “Mommmmmmmmmmmm!”

Oh how I keep reliving that silly moment.  Why did I do that, why couldn’t I control myself? I was so disappointed in myself. 

It’s been 11 months since I got my health back on track, lost 30 lbs and overcame Hashimoto’s thyroiditis.  I noticed I was starting to slip into some bad habits.  As I would care for others I started putting my own health aside and started to binge eat.

I spent the next few days quietly asking God for guidance and help.  I don’t know how I even landed on this website about ‘The Daniel Fast’. 

Have you heard of this?  I never really looked into it, until now.  I was fascinated! 

It’s about taking 21 days and not consuming any sugar or sweeteners of any kind; no meat, no dairy, no bread, no processed foods and no beverages.

What can you eat? Fruit, veggies, whole grains, nuts, and water.

Okay, I can do this!  I quit smoking; quit drinking coffee and the desire for soda and alcohol left me several years ago.  Hey this is a good time to remember that good ole Adam Ant song from the 80s.  “You don’t drink, don’t smoke, what do you do?”  Yes, I don’t drink and I don’t smoke but I can eat!

I’ve never gone 21 days with no meat, dairy and especially no sweeteners. I mean, were talking about not even having a drop of honey or maple syrup. YIKES!  I had to really think about this, was I going to commit to it?  This would be hard.

I looked at the calendar and noticed I had exactly 21 days before Easter.  It was time to look the man woman in the mirror.   I’m taking action.  I will deny myself these foods and only consume fruit, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, legumes, water and my core nutritional products for the next 21 days.  I’m sharing this with you to keep myself accountable.

I’m on day five and so far so good.  Nope, no cravings for sugar and of course I’m protecting myself right now and NOT allowing any more jelly beans in the house.  Thanks mom but no more candy here please. : )

Added benefit, I lost 4.75 pounds in the past 7 days and my energy is through the roof! 

I’m going to spend the next three weeks to use this time to get closer with God in a way I’ve never done before.  I felt fear when I thought about committing to this way of eating for THREE WEEKS, not just a few days.  Fear was my green light to go.  If we want to change we have to ask our creator what we should do next, what is the way forward? God will surely give us direction.

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

Funny, I was just talking to my daughter in the car this morning and encouraging her to grow and step outside the box.  It would be good if I took my own advice.  Parents, we have to lead by example, right? Right!

I’m the only one in my house doing this so tonight I’m making Cajun red beans and rice for dinner.  I’ll cook up chicken to add that in for everyone else in the family.  

I share this with you because I know there are others who struggle with binge eating or emotional eating.  I do it, I realize I do it and I don't want to do this any more.  Anyone else willing to fess up?  Don't leave me hanging!

The ultimate freedom is the power to select what we allow our mind to dwell on.  I’m choosing to dwell on all of God’s miracles and the power of His might.

It’s the first day of Spring today. We have unusually warm weather here and it’s wonderful!  Here’s what you’d see if you were sitting with me on my front porch.  Such a beautiful tree!

I’m 42 and continue to grow, change and try new things.  How about you? Leave a comment or post on my Facebook wall.  It’s always SO good to hear from you.  THANK YOU for stopping by and visiting with me today.

I love you!

jill

My husband is home! 

"Oneness in marriage involves complete unity with each other.  It's more than a mere mingling of two humans – it's a tender merger of body, soul, and spirit" Dennis Rainey Staying Close

Remember in the last post, you can catch up on everything by clicking here,  I told you my husband wasn’t going to be released from the hospital?  That same day, a few hours later, a second doctor told him he could be released from the hospital.  We were doing the happy dance, well not really I gave him a kiss and a high-five and he said ‘Get me out of here!’ 

Not that we didn’t like the people in the hospital.  Gotta give a shout out to all the doctors, nurses, CNAs, security guards and basically EVERYONE who works at a hospital, it doesn’t matter if you are the person cleaning the rooms or giving medical advice.  Your kindness, care and patience is very much appreciated!  We will ALWAYS remember you…Tom, Dee, Jackie, Belina, Lauren, Ray, Katie, Ed and so many of the other nurses, CNAs, doctors and security guards that touched our lives this past week. 

So now that my husband is home, he is on the road to recovery and can manage everything as an out-patient.   We are celebrating!!!  The doctors have been unable to give us an answer as to why these blood clots developed.  He will need to continue to be closely monitored and we are waiting for more test results and making adjustments at home.  He continues to amaze me every day with his strength, wisdom and dedication to our family.

This path has strengthened our marriage.  I see it not as punishment; it's a privilege.  It's not a restriction; it's a reward."

I said it before and I’ll say again, my family and I are so very thankful and grateful for all the prayers, visits, phone calls, text messages, cards, flowers and food.  You have made a permanent imprint in our lives and we will never forget it!  YOU make a difference.

So what did I do the first night my husband was home from 8 days in the hospital?

I made home-made applesauce. 

Sure I could of cleaned up the house or done a hundred other things on my to-do list but the kitchen was calling me.  For me, cooking and baking for others is fun and relaxing.  I’ll leave you with the home-made applesauce recipe at the bottom of this post. It’s was SO good and made the house smell wonderful while it cooked in the slow-cooker.  Added benefit it has NO SUGAR in it.  I've been on the look out for heart-healthy recipes and meals with less sugar.

What goes best with applesauce? 

Pork Chops!  Yup it was pork chops and applesauce for dinner.  I like saying it like Peter Brady from the Brady Bunch.   At least I think that was the character who said it, anyone else remember that episode?  Ummm… it's from a looooooong time ago.

Back to what I wanted to share with you…

Songs always speak to me and today was no different. My first song on Pandora was by Mercy Me I Know.  What I do know is I’ve never heard this song and it's EXACTLY what I was thinking.  God is AWESOME!!!! 

My husband asked me yesterday why I didn’t write on my blog?  Well it’s not that I wasn’t excited to share our great news it’s just that I needed to take a day to gather my thoughts and pray that these words I write give you hope, encouragement and spur you on to action.   

Here’s a glimpse to the lyrics that stood out to me today and if you are reading this from my online home www.jillshea.com you can hear the song below. 

Where do I begin with what to say
I've played this conversation in my head so many times
I'm certainly not claiming to know everything
But what I do will save your life.

No matter what it is you're going through
Even if you think you're far beyond where hope can see
I know there is a Hand that's reaching out for you
Because He did the same for me

It wasn't that long ago when my own world fell apart.
And everything here inside of me said to let go.
I found myself crying out to the One who knows my heart.
And holding tight to the few things that i know.

Thank you for stopping by, I LOVE spending time with you!  You are always welcome to say hi on my facebook wall or leave a comment here. 

You are loved,

Jill

Home-Made Applesauce Recipe

Cooking Time – 4 hours in slow cooker

Ingredients

• 12 sweet variety apples, peeled and cored
• 1/3 cup lemon juice
• 1/3 cup maple syrup
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
  

Directions

• Toss the peeled and cored apples in the slow cooker base with the lemon juice and toss well.
• Drizzle the maple syrup and cinnamon spices over the top and toss again.
• Set the slow cooker on low and cook for 2-3 hours.
• Then mash the apples with a potato masher and cook for another 1 hour on low.
• Mash again.
• Serve warm, cold or freeze.

Yield – 4 servings    Preparation Time – 25 minutes

Day 8 Waiting & Passing it on…

YIKES!  My internet almost didn’t work this morning and it was a pleasant reminder of how much YOU mean to me.  Being able to visit with you here is a blessing.  Thanks for stopping by today!

I’m patiently waiting for my husband’s return home.  It doesn’t look like he’ll be released from the hospital today.  Thank you again for all your prayers and well wishes.  If you have been out of the loop on what’s been happening this past week, you can catch up here..

#1 Personal Note & Why I've Been M.I.A.

#2 Miscommunication

#3 The Details Heart Attack or Pulmonary Embolism

Every morning and every night I look at this ‘Pass It On’ card on my nightstand.  I purchased these from the Christian Book Store and handed them out to my Junior High Small group last year.  I kept one for myself; for some reason the card (it is pictured in this post) spoke to me.  I’ve been reading these words every morning and every night for over a year. 

My fleshy, selfish side has kept this card in my possession. Today is the day I do what it’s meant for ‘Pass it On!’   Since we cannot physically be in the same room I am virtually passing it on to you and will physically visit and deliver this comforting card to another person today at the hospital.

As Paul and I strolled up and down the hospital hallways yesterday we stopped to look out the window at the end of the hallway.  It was a beautiful sight!  Lots of trees, picnic benches, cars going by and people going about their day.  It was time to think, reflect and for that I am grateful. 

There is no music today, just silence and it is golden!

I’ve been in an in-depth Beth Moore study on the Book of James this year.  I’ve camped out on this verse this week and wanted to share it with you…

***********************************************************

James 1:2-3  (The Message)

 ^2-4Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

************************************************************

Stay healthy, stay well in mind, body and Spirit!

With love,

Jill

Greetings!

I’m writing quickly to you so I can be back by Paul’s side as he recovers.  If you see a type-o or grammatical error please cut me some slack.  This is my first draft.

Several people asked WHAT happened to my husband these past few days. “Details please.”   I asked Paul if I could share this with you last night and he gave his blessing so here you go….

Paul hadn’t been feeling good for about a week.  We thought it was a cold.  Over the past week, he had felt shortness of breath only when he went up the stairs and knew something was not right so he’s been taking it easy. 

Wednesday morning was different, he WOKE UP out of breath and he knew he needed to see a doctor.  When he went to the Dr. that morning they told him he needed to get to the ER.  When he arrived the first doctor said he had a heart attack.  He called me and calmly said he had a heart attack. I calmly replied, I’m leaving Church right now. scratch that… " WHAT!!!!!!"  After he told me what hospital he was at, I politely excused myself from my bible study small group to be my husband’s side.

As I’m driving I flashed back to 7 ½ years ago when my earthly father had a sudden heart attack.  When I arrived at the hospital that day, September 3, 2004, my Uncle Stan walked out of the ER doors before I could even get in and nodded his head left to right to indicate no.  I said, “NO! NO! NO!” I leaned against the side of the building and slid down to the ground hysterical. That was a life-changing day, I did not have a relationship with Jesus Christ at that time.  I was distraught and a complete wreck.  That was the first time I experienced the loss of a close family member. 

So you can only image after those images flashing in front of me, my first response was to plead with God in the car to PLEASE just let Paul be alive when I arrive at the ER. I just wanted to see him one more time, I know it’s in God’s hands and I trust Him.  I talked continuously with God on that 20 minute drive to the hospital.  I know I’m going in to more detail than you might care to know, this is therapeutic for me.  Thanks for understanding. 

Back to the story, I arrived at the ER and there were no parking spaces!!!!  Then I saw the sign ‘Valet Parking’.  Really?  Thank You Jesus!  Our hospital has valet parking now!  I pulled up to the ER door, got my ticket from the valet gentleman and RAN into the ER. 

I said, “My husband had a heart attack, where is he?” 

They pointed to the ER rooms and pointed to room one.  I RAN down the hall and when I arrived to his room all I saw was my husband’s jacket, a white bag with his clothes and personal items.  No doctors and no Paul. Huh? 

A nurse must have seen my confused look and she quickly walked over to me, put her hands on my shoulders and said he’ll be right back they took him for tests. She kept saying ‘he’ll be right back’.  I sat down in the room and 5 minutes went by, 10 minutes went by…hmmmm ‘he’ll be right back’ doesn’t mean 10 minutes to me so I start thinking he had a 2^nd heart attack and I’ll never see him again.  I sat down, bowed my head and put my requests before God, pleading to keep him alive.

I don’t know how much more time passed as I was in prayer.  All I know is someone called my Uncle Stan because he walked into the room to be with me and asked what happened.  I started to tell him the story and then Paul was wheeled back into the room. He was alive!  He was breathing!  We both went for each other’s hand at the same time and held on tight and cried.  With his warm hand in mine, I fell to my knees and thanked God repeatedly.

The doctor’s came in and said he had a heart attack, they may have to put in a few stints.  WHATEVER.    I was still relishing in the fact that he was alive!  Then another doctor came in and started talking to us.  Thank goodness my Uncle Stan was there because at first I could not comprehend what they were saying.

Then after reviewing the tests they said Paul did NOT have a heart attack.  He has Pulmonary Embolism which has the same sympton as a heart attack.  Okay now what?

He was brought to ICU and started on medicine to bust out those clots.  After a few hours a very serious looking heart doctor walked in and looked at the echo-cardiogram they were doing on him and said there is too much pressure on his heart and the routine course of treatment is not working fast enough.  He said to the technician ‘TPA’.  Okay I didn’t know what he was talking about all I know is he turned around, leaned over to me and looked me straight in the eye and said "it’s very serious, his heart is in distress."

They started on the stronger form of treatment, TPA.

Paul had 4 large clots in his lungs and it was putting too much pressure on his heart.  Immediate action required.  He was not allowed to move or get out of bed until they could move these clots out or something more serious could happen.  They started the TPA and I noticed they put this sign above his head about TPA protocol, we both knew this was SERIOUS.  Our world stopped and nothing else mattered except for his body to bust these clots out of his lungs. 

While all we could do was wait, more doctors came in and explained that blood clots start in the leg. Did he have any leg discomfort?  “Never” Paul replied.  They did an ultrasound of his leg and found a clot in one leg.  Weird? He never had any pain in his leg. 

Well to make a long story short, I mean even longer LOL!  The TPA did what it was meant to do, praise God! 

Paul was moved out of ICU Friday at 3pm and now he stays in a regular hospital bed until they can get him on the right level of blood thinner to avoid any more clots from forming.

Why did this happen? 

We have been given no answer.  Further tests show no sign of cancer, thank you God!  Doctors keep advising to prevent this from happening again to stay active once he is home, take lots of walks. Not a problem!  We have 3 active dogs and take plenty of walks.

I share all this with you to hopefully educate you on pulmonary embolism.  I now know way too much about blood clots, echo-cardiograms, heparin, TPA, Factor V Leiden and coagulation abnormalities.

Bottom line:  Shortness of breath does not automatically mean heart attack.  Pulmonary Embolism or “PE” as the doctors refer to it have the same symptoms and is not fatal when treated immediately.

This morning I was cleaning up the house for the first time in days before I head back up to the hospital. As I was vacuuming I thought how grateful I am to be straightening up the house.  I was THRILLED to be cleaning up the house knowing my husband was no longer in ICU and we’d be back together soon.  Grateful, grateful, grateful.  Then a song I heard before came to mind, I've been listening to it all morning.  Turn up the volume, rest and reflect, it’s music time!   Song below is 'Grateful' by Hezekiah Walker & LFC

What are YOU grateful for?  Leave a comment or visit me on Facebook.  You've been so kind to visit with me today, thank you!  Is there anything I can do to help you today?   

I am grateful for the things that You have done
I am grateful for the victories we've won
I could go on and on about your works
Because I'm grateful, grateful so grateful just to praise You Lord
Flowing from my heart are the issues of my heart, is gratefulness

Stay healthy, stay well in mind, body and spirit!

With love,

jill

Day 3 Update:  Praise God!!!  Paul was moved out of ICU at 3:00pm yesterday and now in a regular bed.  We are waiting for him to have a test this morning to hopefully provide answers to his condition, should hopefully know more by the end of today.  Will keep you posted.  Thank you again my  friends, your prayers, well wishes, notes, calls, visits, texts mean SO much!  

I’m being led to explain something with you today.  I learned yesterday that I need to be more clear in my communication.  Some dear friends thought I was afraid and scared when I said in yesterday’s letter that I was having thoughts of  ‘doom and gloom’.  I should have used the words sadness and sorrow to describe my mental anguish.  I was not scared.  Being afraid would mean I don’t trust God.  I trust God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.  What I realized and maybe you’ve experienced this too?  I was having destructive thoughts and those are not the fruits of the Spirit. When I became aware I was in this ‘battlefield of the mind’ it was Spiritual warfare.   This is what I mean when I say my sword was bloody from battle.

The timing of this couldn’t be any better!  I’m SO excited to share this with you I can barely type!!!

Today, March 3^rd I took a picture of the devotional for today.  “I love you for who you are, not for what you do.  Many voices vie for control of your mind, especially when you sit in silence.  You must learn to discern what is My voice and what is not.  Ask My Spirit to give you this discernment” from the book ‘Jesus Calling’ by Sarah Young.  Ephesians 4:1-6 and John 10:4

If we tend to run to a family member or friend for advice or help when many thoughts swirl through our head we are going to the wrong source for direction.  I’m still learning to discern.  Here’s a look at a chart I use from my NIV Life Application Study Bible (pg 1977) to remember our wrong desires versus the fruit of the Spirit:

Our wrong desires are….                                The fruit of the Spirit is…

Evil                                                                        Good

Destructive                                                          Productive

Easy to anger                                                     Difficult to anger

Self-centered                                                     Self-giving

The will of the Holy Spirit is in constant opposition to our sinful desires.  The two are on opposite sides of the spiritual battle.

Thank you for letting me share again.  It was very important today I clear up any misunderstanding.  God has plans to prosper us and not to harm us even though some days look darker than others those are the days when nothing compares to the greatness of knowing God’s love. I give Him all the glory!

Do  you wonder if there is something more out there?  What’s keeping you from growing spiritually?

You have what it takes to grow!  Go now to:   http://www.monvee.com/ on the left side click on the ‘watch video’.  It’s less that 2 minutes and will explain everything. 

If you attend Parkview with me go to http://parkviewchurch.com/orland-monvee  “Monvee” is one of my tools for spiritual growth and I highly recommend it!

I also recommend the Sarah Young’s ‘Jesus Calling’ devotionals for every day of the year.

You know how much I LOVE music.  Today’s first song I heard was Kari Jobe’s ‘We Are’.  How perfect is that? 

Every secret, every shame
Every fear, every pain
Live inside the dark
But that's not who we are
We are children of the day

So wake up sleeper, lift your head
We were meant for more than this
Fight the shadows conquer death
Make the most of the time we have left